What Your Desk Says About You

Just like your eyes, your smile and your used tissue when you’re sick, your desk is the gateway to your soul. It’s much more difficult to mask the “true you” when it comes to your desk. An always visible surface that serves as the litmus paper of your deepest urges and needs, it’s the office embodiment of the darkest corners of your soul. Every coffee mug left out to dry in the AC breeze, every instant leftover meal that’s turned into an unrecognizable gooey matter – they’re all part of your desk and all of them provide quality information about you.

However, before you start covering your workspace as if it was your vintage car, take a look around and inspect your coworkers’ desks – there’s no perfect workstation. Each one has their own quirky knick-knack circling around like rings of Saturn. As long as your desk manners don’t disturb colleagues or danger your career path, there’s no problem in getting a little weird. Your desk is kind of like your website; it says a little something about you and reflects your style and grace.

So here are a few of the most common desk “types” we all know and love (or hate):

The Minimalist

Noticeable characteristics:

  • Is it an iceberg? An albino elephant? No, it’s just a white desk with almost nothing on it.

  • A screen or two, a surprisingly clean keyboard and mouse and an additional object (an apple, a cup of water or the skull of a former employee who once dripped BBQ sauce on the above-mentioned desk).

  • All the objects on the table are aligned in the shape of the weekly star constellation.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • There’s nothing they can’t organize in an easy-to-read document.

  • They make you feel like you succeeded in accumulating office swag and assets.

  • If they quit one day, it will be easy to claim their desk.

Why it can be difficult to work with them:

  • When you put a pile of papers or a pack of batteries on their workstation, they’ll gently push it over the edge, much like an evil cat.

  • Their desk might become a pilgrimage site for Zen students.

  • The light reflecting from their empty white desk can burn your skin.

Their famous quote:

“As long as you’re not putting it on my desk.”

The Foodie

Noticeable characteristics:

  • Breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? On this desk, you get the all inclusive meal plan.

  • A pack of gum, crackers and a jar of jelly beans.

  • Plastic cutlery, spices and three different choices of canned food stacked in underground hidings.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • They always have a secret stash of snacks to provide you with a much-needed sugar boost.

  • Usually, they know the best place to order lunch from.

  • They can nip every office conflict in the bud with their food (AKA peace) offerings.

Why it can be difficult to work with them:

  • Crumbs aren’t just the plural of a tasty apple pie, it’s a way of life.

  • The more luxurious foods aren’t shared but rather kept in the one drawer with the lock.

  • Ants, dogs and coworkers with a heightened sense of smell are all attracted to their desk.

Their famous quote:


The Hoarder

Noticeable characteristics:

  • A giant pile of documents that was listed as one of the 15 highest peaks in the county.

  • At least two objects that have the sole purpose of containing the mess – a shopping bag, laundry basket or a shoe box.

  • An obscene amount of unused office supplies – paper weights, white out, a Rolodex, stamps and binder dividers.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • They make you feel better about yourself.

  • Whenever you need a belt, a single flip flop for your left foot or a really big magnet – they’ll be there for you.

  • With their mountain of trash hiding them, it feels like there’s one less person in your crowded room.

Why it can be difficult to work with them:

  • It only takes one earthquake (or a firm door slam), to endanger all surrounding desks.

  • Your things can get lost in their mess of a desk.

  • With its growing size, their desk is starting to form its own continent.

Their famous quote:

“NO! Don’t throw it! I know someone who can use that!”

The “Meet the Family”

Noticeable characteristics:

  • A string hanging from the wall to the computer screen donning photos from the latest family vacation.

  • Desktop wallpaper of the spouse and/or the kids, a slideshow of family photos as a screensaver and a family-recorded ringtone.

  • Family memorabilia level: theme park. Keychain, coffee mug, stuffed toy and an office sweater – all with the smiling faces of those little angels.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • Their desk is the best place around to get some parental guidance.

  • On some days, the babies smiling at you from their coffee mug actually succeed to brighten your day.

  • They always have a good story about their kids’ shenanigans.

Why it’s difficult to work with them sometimes:

  • They always have a boring story about their kids’ shenanigans.

  • Sometimes it’s tiring to look at family photos all day.

  • It’s difficult to work when their kids come into the office.

Their famous quote:

“You MUST look at this photo! Tell me you’ve seen a cuter expression that this one!”

The “Local Pharmacy”

Noticeable characteristics:

  • At least two jars of vitamins and a jar of headache reliever.

  • A drawer filled with band aids, throat medicine, antihistamines and a large amount of over the counter drugs that you normally see in a small pharmacy.

  • A designated clearance zone with hand sanitizer, two kinds of tissues and baby wipes.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • It’s basically like having a part time doctor in the office.

  • They always have a solution to every medical situation that might occur.

  • You know that whatever the current virus on the loose is, you’re not going to catch it.

Why it can be difficult to work with them:

  • They’ve diagnosed you with a terminal disease twice in the last nine months.

  • They’re the cause of traffic at the coffee pot because they’re too busy sterilizing the already-clean mugs.

  • They never let others put their hands inside the bags of snacks they bring. Instead, they pour the snacks from the bag.

Their famous quote:

“Wait! Did you wash your hands?”

The Toy Story

Noticeable characteristics:

  • A strong feeling that you’re stuck inside a claw crane machine.

  • Screens covered with stickers and fluffy toys.

  • Nerf guns, water cannons and rubber bands; this weaponry is all part of their arsenal.

Why you love them as a colleague:

  • They’ll always have some fun toy to play with when you’re bored.

  • Their desk is a colorful sight for sore eyes.

  • It’s THE place to send your kids if they’re visiting the office.

Why it can be difficult to work with them:

  • They smell like teen spirit (Just kidding. But there is a strong smell of plastic and cheap paint in the room)

  • Objects will be shot or thrown at you at least once a week – you have to get used to it.

  • You and your team need to do major damage control when an executive is visiting the office.

Their Famous Quote:


By Chen Attias

Community Manager

#justforfun #officehumor #OfficeLife

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