Zimbabwe's Story
Yeukai Nhembo
I was born in the Hwedza Rural District Area on 21st of March 1984. The day I was born I am told that it was all smiles, joy and happiness. My family felt blessed. I believe my mother was the happiest woman alive to hold a bundle of joy in her arms. I only imagine the bond between my mother and I, but that was cut short. My mum died six days after my birth. I imagine the joy turned to sorrow, happiness to sadness and smiles to tears at that time.
My biological father was a teacher and family man who was left with five children and an infant to cater for. I have two brothers and three sisters who are older than me. When my mother died my family could not think of anything but to take me to a childrens home because I needed all the care that any infant would need, especially from a mother. This was not successful as, none of the childrens homes would take me in. I presume my family tried this because of the pressures and confusions of Zimbabwean life. My auntie decided to take me as part of her family. There I had the love and care I needed.
Traditionally it is said that a man is given a wife from the late wifes family. So my mothers young sister succeeded my mother. Since I was young, I did not know how it felt like to loose a mother, so I guess everything was okay on my side. With my auntie, everything I needed, I got. I did my pre-school at St. Pauls Parish in Highfield. I recall seeing my biological father a few times. I then proceeded to primary school in 1991 and was very bright in school. As I grew older I started to ask questions any child in my situation would ask. I wanted to know where my biological father was. I needed to understand, because the man I knew as my father (who was my aunties husband) passed away in 1986. My surname and that of my aunts husband were different and this contributed to those questions. All my aunt would say was; I was married to your father and we divorced.
My biological sisters and brothers were separated from me in 1984 and since I lived with my auntie they lived with my father and his wife. It was very unfortunate because I only saw my father for a few times. I had the sense that he wanted nothing to do with me and this was painful. I would not say life was not rosy for me, I had everything but I lacked the love of a father and that of my elder brothers and sisters.
When I finished my primary education in 1997 I proceeded to high school at Highfield High School. By then my aunties husband had passed away and my biological father never took responsibility for me, e.g. paying my school fees or even clothing. My aunt took responsibility for all that, but it wasnt easy. All my father did was insult my aunt for caring so much about me. This affected me so badly. I did not understand my father and I really needed to know my identity. No one was in a position of telling me anything except the same old story. It was only when I was in form two in 1999, 15 years later, that I was told my life story. The anger I had for my father worsened because I felt he had abandoned me for all those years the time when I needed him most. I started going to my fathers house so I could understand him, this became a habit. My inner being was not at peace with my family. I knew that at one time my father wished I had been adopted. My heart really ached for his love.
In 2001 I wrote ordinary level exams and I failed, this is when life became harder. My fathers insults to my aunt really made me wonder if he was my real father. He ordered that I follow him to the rural areas were he was working as a teacher because I had failed. Knowing that this was going to separate me from the woman whom I had bonded with made the situation worse. However although my auntie did not want me to go, she had no choice. She let me go. She could no longer afford to send me back to school. She was now the sole bread winner for her own family and she had retired because of illness.
I went to the rural area and I cried day and night for my mother. I was not treated well by my father and his wife. One morning I decided to stand up for myself and tell my father how I felt. Since then my father hated me. He chased me away and whenever I went to his house he come after me.
I returned to stay with my aunt and she sacrificed so much to raise money for me to go back to school. I completed my O levels in 2004. Though the results were not that pleasing, my aunt stood by me. My father had his own way to deal with the issue insults from all corners. I lived in denial. I kept to myself, any problems I faced I tried to solve them on my own. I did not know where I came from, who I was or where I was going. I cried day in day out asking God why he took away my mother. I started hating and blaming myself for everything that went on in my life. If anyone asked me about my life I felt fire burn within me. Life became meaningless and at times I would think of ending my life as the only way out.
In 2005 I was at home, I could not go back to school either for academic studies or professional studies as we had no money. This was because no one was able to help me and my father did not want to hear anything about me. My aunt had her own health issues to worry about and my brothers and sisters had their own responsibilities since they were all married. I stayed at home until I met with a friend who introduced me to music. I became a part time backing vocalist but the income could not cater for all my needs. Life was once more meaningless. I felt sorry for myself and always carried a negative attitude.
My aunts family is a Christian family and I was groomed within Christian values. I was baptized and confirmed as an Anglican. As a young girl I used to go to church and it had grown to be a habit. As I grew older, I understood more about life and its values. I faced challenges. Some I managed to solve and some I could not deal with. I learned to find answers through the Bible and Prayer. I grew in Faith and Jesus became a reality. At one point my family started to call me names. My faith was strengthened. God started to change my life. Talking about my life history was now an easy task because the reality of the Gospel gave me purpose. Jesus was for me not against me and he gave me purpose. The feeling of rejection disappeared.
I attended Tabarana youth group meetings but at times felt that God was not answering my prayers because I still had nothing to do. I guess I expected too much from God. He made it clear that he has his own time.
The story of forgiveness kept playing on my heart. I needed to take a step further in my faith. My love for my brothers and sisters grew. The hatred I had for my father had to seize, I had to love him even if he did not love me. Though it took time, the teachings from Tabarana helped me through. I felt at peace for the first time in my life.
I spent half of 2006 searching for the answers to my prayers and in July things started to fall in place. God had a plan for my life and it was being worked out. Through Tabarana, I was enrolled at a local private girls centre where I learned life skills, leadership, business studies and beauty culture as part of my professional studies. Due to my past experiences and challenges I studied very hard and managed to pass.
In 2007 my aunt was diagnosed with a heart problem and became very ill. My life was stuck. I could not think straight, I lived in fear as each day passed by. Tabarana became a family for me. I now had a loving father, mother, grandmother, brothers and sisters. They all stood by me and showed me the love and comfort I so much desired. I was able to smile because of the care I was given. My aunt had a heart operation and it was successful. I saw the hand of the Lord at work. My biological father and I, now see and talk as father and daughter. I have come to accept my mothers death.
Sometimes in life we have to rely on the Lord. This can be a painful wait and we become impatient. Denying yourself means knowing yourself and coming to terms with everything that life throws our way. Seek Gods hand and dont loose hope. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the perfector of faith. From sorrow to joy this is my story.
E-mail
Phone No.
carlmelville@hotmail.com
nstebbing@mirfield.org.uk
07951491211