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Now Trending \ JAN 13th 2015

10 Artists We’ll Never See on Super Bowl Halftime Show

The Super Bowl is the mecca for all things football, popular music and entertaining commercials. This year we’ll be watching on the edge of our seat for the commercials, including Wix’s very own!

For those who watch for the entertainers – and let’s face it – there’s more of us out there than people care to admit, the Super Bowl’s Halftime show is kind of a big deal. We all have our favorite performers that we’d absolutely love to see on the big stage. And having to wait each year for the “chosen one” to be announced can be nerve wracking. Unless, of course you are a fan of one of these artists. If so, sorry for the heart-break. These acts will never see the spotlight of the Halftime show, some of them may not even be admitted to the stadium.

Check out our list of musical acts who will be sticking to the tailgating parking lots:

10 Artists We’ll Never See on Super Bowl Halftime Show

William Hung

Performing at the Super Bowl is fulfilling The American Dream for any musical artist and who has strived towards this precious feat more than the tone-deaf and ever confident William Hung. First seen on American Idol in 2004 with his off-key rendition of “She Bangs”, originally performed by Ricky Martin, Hung shockingly gained a fan base. Some laughed with him and most laughed at him. Never-the-less he brought over 2 million people to giggle at the TV, which is never bad for ratings. That said, we feel his American Dream should stop at Idol contestant with fear that angry sports fans will be less amused if he showed up tonally challenged at the sacred game.

Trevor Pryce

NFL defensive end, Pryce won back-to-back Super Bowls with stats to prove his multi-million dollar contract’s worth. But, after 14 years playing ball it was time to retire. Poor Pryce got so bored he was quoted as saying his days consist of playing Words With Friends and taking the dogs to daycare. Among other new hobbies he is dabbling in music and even teaching himself to play a few instruments. While he should be praised as a Super Bowl athlete, we’re not sure music is his calling.

Trevor Pryce

Steve Martin and The Steep Canyon Rangers

While we couldn’t think of an act much more All American than the beloved Steve Martin (as seen in classic films such as The Jerk, Three Amigos, and Roxanne) and his North Carolinian bluegrass band, it seems their following is not strong enough to grab a crowd of this magnitude. These middle aged musicians keep their performances simple and the music rich. Hey, they even won a Grammy! Basically what we’re saying is – they have the talent to deserve a stadium full of listeners but as they say, “video killed the radio star” and we just don’t think it will happen. We wish!

Kanye West

Rapper, producer, and husband to famed Selfie extraordinaire Kim Kardashian, Kanye West could certainly fill a stadium. In addition to his albums topping charts and his concerts selling out, many would consider him a frontrunner for a Super Bowl halftime show. So why hasn’t he received an invitation? The short answer – MTV VMA’s. In 2009 Kanye interrupted fan favorite Taylor Swift during an acceptance speech and preached that “Beyonce should have won”. This came on the heels of numerous controversial remarks on live tv, radio and in his shows. Thur far the rapper has not been met with lawsuits but we wouldn’t want to start a trend during the most largely televised show of the year. The fines associated with saying something against the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) can be $325,000 per incident or as high as $2.5 million. That’s a lot of cash! The NFL Super Bowl would be wise not to let a loose cannon like Kanye on live Television unless they’re willing to risk a few million dollars in fines for whatever provocative remark he has up his sleeve.

Yoko Ono

This infamous multimedia artist, activist and famed wife to Beatles’ John Lennon has been in the limelight for half a century. We can imagine a producer from the Halftime show calling her while she is wrapped in rubber bands bouncing on a synthetic cloud exploring her next short film. “Yoko, we would like you to perform in the Super Bowl” he would say.  “Only if I can throw 5,000 toy cats at images of government officials while improvising ‘new noise’” she would respond. So yeah, then they didn’t call her back.

Milli Vanilli

Before the duo was laughed off stage and required to return a Grammy for their lip-synching scandal, men and women everywhere were singing “Girl You Know It’s True” as an R&B/Pop anthem. The performers even claimed to be the new Elvis, and more talented than the legendary Bob Dylan and Mick Jagger. That illusion was quickly unveiled after their secret was discovered – they don’t sing their own music. The two hid from press for many years until their failed comeback attempt Back and Attack. To be clear, this disastrous duo will not be offered a spot on this main stage or any other.

Janet Jackson

Who can forget Super Bowl XXXVIII and what we can confidently call the most controversial Halftime show in NFL history. Humorously referred to as Nipplegate, the incident where Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson experienced a wardrobe malfunction momentarily exposing her breast was discussed around the world. From simple indecent exposure to the decline in American morality, the FCC brought upon CBS a $550,000 fine that was taken all the way to the Supreme Court. In addition, producing party MTV was banned from being involved in future Super Bowl events. No matter how great Janet Jackson is as an artist our guess is she will be limited to performing at arenas that do not include professional sports.

William Shatner spoken word poetry

Firstly, if you are not familiar with Shatners epic musical career you can take a pause from this list and search away! Secondly, what?!?! William Shatner is now most known as the Priceline Negotiator but before he was on your small screen during the tv break he was on the big screen, the comedy ring and singing. While we can’t help but love his interpretation of Rocket Man and Bohemian Rhapsody, we think he should stick to the shtick and leave singing for the more choraly inclined.

“Weird Al” Yankovic

Can you imagine the NFL parody song Weird Al could write for the Super Bowl? We almost want him to have the opportunity to show us what he could come up with. We won’t deny his talent in creating pop culture themed jokes set to trending music, though we can’t imagine football fans would take too well to him making fun of their beloved athletic icons. Maybe someone can give him a commercial deal rather than the Halftime show itself. If he wants to parody our Wix commercial we promise we can take a good joke.

Paris Hilton

This socialite has tried her hands at many careers including fashion design, reality tv and acting but none of them have been more inspired than her singing career. In music videos she can be seen basking in the glow of her own beauty and frolicking with unicorns. Some fans even consider her album “smarter than you thought it would be”. Those people are kind. Let’s just say that while she may look glamorous on a jumbotron, if she enters the Halftime show she should do so as a DJ at best.


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