studios
belindacollinge
810.300.3711
art|poetry...
I am on a journey. The path has been long and winding and I find myself here, at a crossroads. Perhaps a bit weather-beaten, but feeling grateful and blessed. I want to share my journey with you. My paintings, photos, and poetry are like postcards, sent out into the world telling my story.
I have to paint...it is not a want or even a desire, it is a necessity...like breathing. I love art in all forms. I am captivated by colors, textures...the endless possibilities. Every painting or piece of art is a whole new adventure. I am exploring new avenues with my art, trying new things every time I pick up my brushes. Watercolor, acrylic, oil...I love them all. I especially enjoy painting trees and favor the color blue.
My poetry is my way of sharing with others deep feelings, thoughts, and ideas. I am inspired to write by variety of things...I write about personal experiences, about others' experiences that have been shared with me, or things I have seen and heard around me. In any case, when I write it is usually because I have been moved intensely by something, it just comes to me.
If you like what you see, please send me a message, after all it is in sharing this very personal side of me that I feel most connected with others and their appreciation of it.
Thanks for stopping by!
~Belinda
March 2008 - my painting "Moon Over
Mercury" was chosen for the cover of
5th Street Magazine.
life is art...
click photos to enlarge
mypoetry
My writings a very personal part of me. They are my raw emotions put into words.
I often write of things I see, feelings I imagine others are experiencing. I am easily moved by things around me...a beautiful sunset, a moody sky, a touching movie, or random people I meet.
I have many writings not yet stored in digital format. I am in the process of transferring them so when that happens I will publish those works as well.
Saint Stephen
12-6-07
His crooked smile said it best
but the words he spoke said it all,
"I just glanced in the mirror...
Things aren't going so good...
I'm looking California and feeling Minnesota."
Then he lit up a cigarette
taking a drag like there was no tomorrow.
I couldn't help but admire
the way he held it between his lips.
The look in his eyes told me more than
the words coming from his mouth.
Even the smoke that rose to form a halo around his head
of this unsuspecting saint
seemed to be sacred.
It was then I felt a kinship with him,
this stranger who had stumbled into my world
quite accidentally.
I didn't know him from Adam,
it was a "friend of a friend" kind of thing.
His soul had touched mine in a way I couldn't explain.
It was kinda creepy,
but nice, if you know what I mean.
We find that we belong to the same “club”,
the one where admittance is exclusive
but for once you'd rather your name wasn’t on the list.
Inhabiting the same crazy upside down world
where everyday people go about their lives,
while we, on the other hand,
can't help but be all tangled up in what we feel.
So when I hear him rambling on
in his gritty Marlboro man voice
"everyone seems either so perfect and perfectly delicious,
or so utterly repulsive to me at this very moment..."
I can't help but laugh at how much I understand.
Captive
Captive…I look out at the world.
Is there not more to life than this?
Trapped in this place
I long to be free.
I beat my wings upon the bars.
No one sees, no one hears.
There is more to me than this mask I wear, day in, day out.
Don't you see my soul inside,
oh longing, aching, wretched soul?
Seeking perfection,
so deep the desire I could taste it
like a sweet slice of orange in my parched mouth.
Don't you see the loneliness in my eyes,
feel pressing upon my heart the hand of God?
Such torment...
my head explodes into a thousand pieces.
A thousand miles I must walk in my mind
on weary limbs that can no longer carry me...
Going forward in a life that is not mine.
Oh, set me free...
please let me go,
this caged bird that can no longer fly.
Curtain Call
Hesitant, I step on the stage
my life a play that I haven't memorized the lines to
I tiptoe around trying to avoid the spotlight
yet it catches me in places
I freeze in place, feeling on display
my face a mask I feel cracking underneath the perfect surface
I am so fragile inside
delicate in places you cannot see
I hear my bones groaning under the pressure
of the weight I carry around like a burden
holding down my old soul
but, the show must go on
and I play my part convincingly
waiting for the curtains to close upon that final show
when I can retire my weary self
and fade into the past
Nothingness
Another season
Come and gone
The scene outside my window
changing again
The empty trees reaching out
Like my arms
Reaching out to emptiness
nothingness
All those years spent
in pursuit of futile hopes
chasing a dream never realized
Giving, giving,
The endless giving of myself
Until I my soul lay dead
Always running towards a finish line
In a race with no end
Seeking the happy ending in a fairy tale
That was really a horror story
So empty now
Insides turned outside for you
I drained every vein in my body
For my life’s blood
to give to you
You left me
a twisted pile of wreckage
Burning in the distance
as you watched from afar
Oh such longing in my heart
Such pain I cannot bear
How my heart aches
for sweet nothingness
Disintegration
He leans in to kiss her,
she turns
and it lands in that space
Between cheek and lips.
She smiles to hide the screaming inside.
Read her mind and you will hear
how she hates this.
They dance around each other
like clumsy idiots or
new dance students stepping on each others toes.
They both feel it but dare not say it.
To speak it out loud would make it real,
give it life.
Like water on a parched plant,
it would begin to bloom and grow into a reality.
He leans in to hold her,
she turns,
but inside it has begun…the disintegration.
A Thousand Miles
Her heart is breaking
he doesn't listen
doesn't understand
all she wants is to be loved
I can feel it from here
a thousand miles away
I've never seen her face
nor the warmth of her smile
yet I can feel it from here
She is crying out for help
to be heard, understood
to break free from the darkness
because I know the same pain
how it permeates your being
the suffering that consumes your soul
and all that you are
Sister, I have walked that same path
that leads to your hell
my feet worn and weary
I've made that journey, time and again
I send you my comforts, my thoughts,
and my prayers in the hopes that maybe
you can feel it from there
Safe
You are precious to me
forever a part my soul
I love you my child
But I cannot hold you,
kiss you,
love you
like you deserve...true and whole
I hold back
for you may break
and I may crumble
to pieces we'd fall
My heart may burst from my captive chest
true love is something it does not comprehend
For you are precious to me
and I have sadly learned
that it hurts to love
So, in my heart
I hold you
kiss you
Where it's safe...
Secrets
As I sit here beside you
my mind is drawn to the window,
the world outside calling me.
It's grey sky
and howling wind mirror my thoughts.
I feel all dark and twisty,
my emotions inside me
like tangled wire hangers
or last year's Christmas lights.
I have so many secrets wound up inside
but I am too tired to care.
It would take too much effort
to untangle the mess.
So I leave it,
willing it to go away.
But it doesn't
and I feel like I did as a feverish child
imagining my head was growing
bigger and bigger
threatening to explode
so all my secrets come tumbling out.
How I hate it when you look at me that way,
when you say, "you know I love you"
and try to hold me in your arms.
Oh, how I can hardly stand it then.
The words almost come alive inside me,
this roiling mass of emotions,
these secrets that threaten to crawl right out of my mouth
and throw themselves in your face.
But I manage to compose myself
and sit here beside you,
a ghost, an empty shell.
Lost and Found
I need to find
the “lost and found”.
Can you point me in the right direction?
Through years of diapers and PTA;
Laundry, football games, and play-dates
I seem to have lost
bits and pieces of me
along the way.
Has anyone seen my sanity?
It is nowhere to be found.
I swear I left it here yesterday
right next to the grocery list.
I’ve given up on ever finding
my waistline again.
I think it’s lost for good.
My mind has wandered off again.
It’s hard to keep track of it some days.
It usually returns…but just in case
Tell me again,
where is the “lost and found”?
Seek
Listening to the violin
As it plays upon my soul
I watch the cottonwood trees
Their branches dancing in the breeze
As their children float through the air
I try to find comfort in the warmth
Of the sun on my face
In the songs of the birds
Ever seeking a salve for my angst
To soothe my angry soul
So old and captive for centuries
Like a monster hidden away from the world
Oh, sweet release I seek
In my surroundings
and in the amber fire that slips past my lips
I search days on end
Lost and lonely girl
There is no rest.
Sisters
A gift for you
I hold in my hands.
The love within
drips through my fingers
like the juice of ripe berries.
This gift for you
I give from my heart.
It’s essence woven
from the friendship of our lives
and the memories of our childhood.
It is a gift I give to you
that is also from you, dear sister.
A fragile bird
with wings of gold,
I find myself torn
between wanting to hold it in my hands,
admiring its beauty and delicacy,
and wanting to see the wonder of its flight
A gift for you, for us.
Come, delight along with me at its wonder!
And, though our pain and tears
have gone into its very being,
the blood-bond of our lives
are part of its core,
it is beautiful to behold.
Fragile yet strong,
the breath from its mouth
that sings of its glory,
so sweet to our ears the sound of its song,
the gift, dear sister, of us.
Mother
Mother, my mother
Who never bounced me on her knee
Instead who pushed me to the floor
Where I lay fallen
like a dirty word you spit from your mouth
and the shame that follows when in anger you lash out.
She who never loved me
Who gave me life so unwillingly
Out of selfishness I was born
So she could crow, “see what I can do”.
Pushed me from her womb early
As if she couldn’t bear to have me there any longer.
Whose heart I heard beating from within
Drums of a distant, hostile tribe
Waiting to eat me alive.
You did not kiss my forehead,
Nor hold me close when my nightmares threatened me
No comfort, no comfort
I hold no memories of the scent of your skin
No warm vanilla sweet kisses of childhood
Or of cuddling with you under blankets still warm from sleep
Instead it is your silence
that somehow was never quiet
That haunts me
When you said “I hate you” in that voice that was never whole
Oh, how my young soul split in two then
And I tried to grow a new heart like a starfish that loses a limb
A word that should bring a smile to my face
Instead I choke on it like vomit rising in the back of my throat
You did not shelter me from the storms
Nor protect and hide me in your cloak
I stood alone, as hail bruised my heart
Like stones thrown by angry villagers
I was stoned to death inside
By your unwillingness to love, to teach me by example
As now I am called “Mother”
And I am afraid, for what memories will I evoke?
Afraid
I am afraid
It is who I am
I have let it own me for so long
My fear has become me.
Gnawing on my heart, my very soul
Devouring me from the inside out
So that now I am an empty shell
Afraid to live
Afraid to love
Afraid to feel
Oh so afraid to be
For fear of fear Itself
Yet I have become It
It has claimed me
made me the very thing I fear…afraid
